Foreclosure Chronicles
Welcome to Foreclosure Chronicles, the podcast tailored just for you – the homeowner navigating the challenging waters of foreclosure. Join us on this journey where we not only empathize with your situation but also provide a beacon of insights, solutions, and expert advice.
Meet our remarkable host, a fellow homeowner who's faced foreclosure head-on. They bring a unique blend of personal experience and professional know-how to guide you through the maze of options. This isn't your typical podcast – we go beyond the surface, delving deep into the complexities of foreclosure.
Picture this as your go-to resource, a virtual handbook for those seeking clarity and empowerment during tough times. From real-life stories that resonate with your struggles to enlightening expert interviews, we're here to equip you with the knowledge and resources needed to navigate these challenging waters.
Our goal? To empower you to make informed decisions that could potentially save your cherished home or allow you to exit the property with the dignity you deserve. So, whether you're sipping your morning coffee or winding down after a long day, tune in to Foreclosure Chronicles. Let's embark on this journey together, because every homeowner deserves a chance to turn the page.
The host is a licensed North Carolina Realtor with Buy Homes with Rose LLC.
Foreclosure Chronicles
The Emotional Voyage of Foreclosure: Navigating Grief and Reclaiming Hope with Expert Insight
When the threat of foreclosure loomed over my life, the emotional riptide was overwhelming, but it's a tale I now bravely share to light the path for others in similar straits. With the compassionate guidance of Keturah Beckham, a seasoned clinical social worker, we dissect the seldom-spoken emotional journey that trails the loss of one's home. From the crushing weight of denial to the depths of depression, this conversation is an unfiltered look at the stages of grief that uniquely accompany foreclosure. We don't just stop at unpacking these feelings; we aim to equip you with the understanding needed to reclaim the reins on your life's voyage.
Navigating these waters goes beyond personal struggle; it extends to the undercurrents within the family, too, especially the vulnerable hearts of children. I emphasize how vital it is to recognize and address the stress signals echoing through the halls of a once-harmonious home. The dialogue takes a turn, melding the sequence of grief with the actual phases of foreclosure, offering a beacon of hope and action for our listeners. Lean in as I, not only a survivor but also a licensed real estate agent specializing in foreclosures, alongside the astute insights of Keturah, provide the compass to help you find further counseling and therapeutic support. Together, we chart a course towards emotional and financial restoration.
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Amy is a licensed Realtor in North Carolina. She is affiliated with Buy Homes with Rose LLC brokerage. This is not a solicitation to get a listing. This is a podcast to provide you with options for your situation.
The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those of the presenter and do not necessarily reflect the views or position of the podcast host. Welcome back to another episode of Forclosure Chronicles, where we help homeowners that are facing foreclosure with options so that they can make the best decision for their situation or exit the property with dignity. Today I have a guest on this podcast and she is a good friend of mine. She is a licensed clinical social worker in a private practice. Welcome, couture Beckham. Hello, how are you?
Speaker 2:Hi Amy. Thank you so much for having me on this afternoon. It's such a pleasure to be here with you.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you being here, folks. I invited Couture to be on this podcast because there's something that people don't talk about and that's the emotions that situated around going into foreclosure. And I can speak to that because back in the early 0809 era, when everything hit bottom, I lost some property and to this day, it's like I just realized, couture, that I never dealt with it, never dealt with the emotions. It's like, okay, there goes the property in the foreclosure, okay, had a file bankruptcy, but it's like I guess I was, so I guess numb to it that I never processed it. So that's why I have her on here, so you can learn how to process it and she's going to give you some valuable information.
Speaker 1:Now, if you remember, if you listened to our last episode, I broke the foreclosure stage down to phases the handle in it phase, the stalling phase, the frantic phase and it's too late phase. So if you listen to what Couture is going to bring, we're going to tie this all together and hopefully, as a panic homeowner, you can see yourself in which stages that you are Before we get to that Couture. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 2:Thank you, amy. I am a licensed clinical social worker and I am the owner of Rafa Kai, the Center for Healing Arts and Therapy, and in that role, in my role, I work with individuals who are dealing with grief, with loss of situations all different kinds of avenues that they come into me, they come to me for and just trying to get out or make it through a transition in their life.
Speaker 1:Definitely, going through foreclosure is a transition. It is, it is. So what gyms are you going to drop on us today?
Speaker 2:I think it's important to recognize that with any loss there's an emotional component. Whether it's something that you deal with right away, or if you are a person that puts everything aside and puts those emotions to deal with later, they will still come back at some point and they'll haunt you.
Speaker 1:So they will and I can truly say they are haunting me now because I actually believe not dealing with what I went through in 0809 has what's the word I'm looking for has pretty much stopped my progress to be the better version of me, to come into my own, to work my passion, because I feel that stigma and stagnated. I feel like I've been stagnated and just now, like I said, I just now realized maybe that's why I haven't moved forward in my life, because I never dealt with going into foreclosure, losing the homes that I lost, because when you take a step trying to better your life, it's like something stops. Something stops you, and I think that's what it was for me, and I'm just speaking for myself, so maybe I'll learn to get over this with what you're telling us today.
Speaker 2:And you bring up a great point, amy. We may not ever get over the actual grief, but there is a process that we go through for grieving. So the grief in itself is the situation that happened, that is traumatic, that has caused you to remain stuck, and grieving is that actual process that we go through in order to go through the stages and come out on the other side. For some individuals it can happen relatively quickly. Others it can take years to go through, and it's just remembering that each of these stages is something that you can go through, these stages in any way.
Speaker 1:Like, in any order Correct. It can be in any order.
Speaker 2:So, for instance, if I take you so, elizabeth Kubler-Ross was an, a Swiss American psychiatrist who, back in the day, introduced the five stages of grief. And it starts with denial. So in the denial stage, this is the stage where you can. You don't really understand. It's like I cannot believe this is happening to me, and it's a defense mechanism to cope with an overwhelming and overwhelming emotion. It's like, oh my God, I've lost, I'm about to lose, my house, or I've lost something so significant to me, a relationship, a pet. You're in shock and it's just a stated denial.
Speaker 2:And then the second phase, or the second stage, is anger. So, as the reality of the law sets in, you can become really angry. You can direct that anger towards yourself, like how could I be so silly, how could I let this happen? Or you can direct it outwards, to others, becoming angry with them, like thinking it's your fault because you didn't do A, b and C. You didn't tell me you could become angry with the bank. Well, they never told me. No one told me this. You're on the phone with the representative, you're yelling and you're screaming because you are angry. Right, the third one, the third stage, is called bargaining, so it's an attempt to regain, control or reverse the loss. And it can look like making promises, like if you could just get me out of this, I will never let this happen again, or if I get another chance, I can do A, b and C. You're just trying to hold on to something that is lost, or you are losing or transitioning, and it's scary.
Speaker 2:The fourth stage is depression. It is just where you experience feelings of helplessness, isolation and deep sorrow. Those are just some of the things that you can experience. Maybe you find that you're sleeping more. You don't wanna deal with it. That's all a form of depression. So understanding that piece of where you are in this process is important. And then the fifth one, the final one, is acceptance. Okay, this has happened. I've been in denial, I've been angry. I tried to bargain my way out of it. I've become depressed because I just don't know what else to do. And now it's like, okay, I'm not gonna do this. And now it's like, okay, this has happened. How can I process these emotions so I can begin to move forward with my life?
Speaker 1:That's good stuff. And you did again say that these can happen in any order.
Speaker 2:They can happen in any order. You can be at the acceptance stage and then you can go back to being angry. You think that maybe you think that you've processed all of these emotions, and then you think about the event again, the actual event, the traumatic event, and you can go through the stages all over again. You can go back to being angry, you can go back to depression, you can go back to denial. It can, it just continues to happen. But it's really about recognizing what emotions you are feeling and how to work through that specific phase that you're in.
Speaker 1:Okay, and just what are some ways that they can work through it? Do you have like some some?
Speaker 2:corners? Absolutely, I would say, first and foremost, reach out to someone. Believe it or not, you are probably not the first person that may have experienced this traumatic event, and you won't be the last one. It sounds harsh, but you're not alone. So reach out to someone, whether it is a trusted friend, a family member, a therapist, someone who can just be there with you through the process. Now you may find that there are certain individuals that you may know would not be a good person to talk to. Please don't go down that route.
Speaker 1:It could make you feel even worse, Right, like I told you. So I told you you shouldn't have bought all those houses, blah, blah, blah. Or I told you you shouldn't have.
Speaker 2:That's not what you need to hear at the time that you're going through this transition. Yes, you did. Maybe you did buy too many houses at this particular time. Okay, that's water under the bridge. What do I need to do with this point?
Speaker 1:Right, so just out of curiosity. So if someone is going through foreclosure our listener is going through it right now at what point do you think they should reach out to someone, like when they're totally behind, Like they're like 90 days out and they're like, okay, I think something's getting ready to happen. Or should they reach out to someone once they lost the house? I mean, do you think there's this particular time when a homeowner should reach out to someone to start helping them go through these stages, because we know they're going to go through these stages, Right?
Speaker 2:each individual is very different. Some individuals are better excuse me, are better with handling certain stages. They may not realize they're in denial, or they may not realize that they're depressed. I think it's important that when there is a feeling, or there's overwhelming feelings, that's when it's important to reach out. You may be so busy trying to keep all of these different processes up in the air, you don't have time to stop and breathe. But when you do get that moment to stop and breathe, focus on what you're feeling. Focus on if it's overwhelming for you, if you feel it's overwhelming, if you feel that you could use an independent party to talk, to reach out to a therapist or reach out to someone like you who can help them through the actual process, and then, once they've gotten through this actual process maybe that's afterward that they can deal with the emotions behind it, and then they can see a therapist, someone that they can talk to.
Speaker 1:So let's switch gears, just briefly, cause, like I said, these are homeowners. Some of these homeowners have families. Let's talk a little bit about like the children, cause I totally believe that we probably forget about the kids, but I think they can sense something going on in the household, especially when maybe mother, father they're not talking or someone looks like they're being secretive. So can we talk a little bit about like, the emotions of how to handle if you have children. Should we discuss things with the child, say, hey, this is what's going on. Can you speak on that a little bit? You?
Speaker 2:bring up a really good point, amy. Even though, as parents, sometimes they feel that they want to shield their children and everything is age dependent they may want to shield their child from what is actually going on. But what they may not understand is that a child not only picks up on what is said, but they're going to pick up on the emotional cues A child can sense when a parent may be shut down or when something is not right. And they may not. That child may not act out in the house because of all of these emotions that are going on. They may act out in school. And then the parents maybe start getting these phone calls that your child is doing this in school, your child is yelling, your child seems to be depressed.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think it's really important that the parent reaches out to support the support that's available within the school to that counselor, just letting them know that, hey, there's a situation that's going on in the house and my child may begin to display A, b and C emotions. Or maybe the counselor can be the one to say, hey, this is what I'm recognizing in your child, who was an A student and is now not turning in the work, appears to be fearful is crying in school. So just being able to have that communication in place is really important, and the goal is to you want to protect your child, but you also want to understand. How realistic can you really be in doing that?
Speaker 1:Are we causing more harm than good by remaining silent and could a child be going through these five stages of grief as well? And of course, the parent can't pick up on it, because they're. They too are probably going through the same thing.
Speaker 2:I personally believe. Yes, I personally believe it can be. It's with a divorce, a child, even when two parents are divorcing, a child goes through the emotions, this emotional trauma that's going on between the parents. The child doesn't know where he or she fits.
Speaker 1:OK, that's, that's good. That's good information. Thank you, so much Couture. So so homeowners my pant, my homeowners that are going through foreclosure, please take heed to what Couture is saying. Don't be like me and figure it out like 18 plus years. I have many years later that, oh, I think that's why I'm not moving forward, or I should have dealt with that. You definitely want to recognize and at least get some help. So let's kind of relate this to this, let's bring this all together, related to the timeline that I gave last week.
Speaker 1:So the handling that phase, of course, that's the phase where you pretty much are, you're in control and I like to put that in, as I think that acceptance would be a good place for that Because you're accepting the fact OK, something's happening. Ok, now I need I'm not going to waste any time I need to do something. Ok, and that's either, you know, working with the lender to do a loan modification or maybe trying to get the house listed. You're, you're actually accepting what's going on and you take an action. The stalling phase I see that as denial. The denial phase because one you're, you're shocked. You're probably also like, oh, I got it handled. However, you're not doing anything to handle it, but you got to handle, so that I think that's a good definition of denial, would you agree?
Speaker 1:Couture, it can be absolutely the frantic stage, probably angry. That's where the time is of the essence. You got to sell date, you got served papers through the sheriff and now it's like, okay, all these emotions are coming out because now you got to figure out where you're going to go from here. So angry, the angry stage, probably a little bit of depression as well, during this phase. Bargaining, I might want to put it back on the Stalin phase, because you realize that you get ready to lose something and you're just trying to figure it out in your head, bargaining with yourself like, oh, I think I have it under control, maybe not, but then the last phase is too late.
Speaker 1:I mean that could be the depression phase. It's too late. Your house has been sold back to the bank, yeah, so wherever you are in the stage of foreclosure, there are resources out there where you can get help. Again, you can contact me. I am a licensed real estate agent by Homes with Rose, so you can reach out to me. This is my niche, I mean. And, couture, if someone needs counseling, are you available for that, or do you have resources where you can direct a person, or how can one get in contact with you?
Speaker 2:If someone wants to contact me directly, I can be reached at 984-266-3346. And that is, you can leave a message and we can talk about how I may be best able to serve your needs. And the other thing I just want to say is please don't forget about the children, the children that are definitely going to be affected by this entire thing that you may be going through. Please reach out to a therapist. There's child therapists out there that can help Help your child go through the emotional stages.
Speaker 1:Awesome. I really do appreciate your time and providing this valuable information. Hopefully these homeowners gets it and will get assistance and not be like me. One good thing Couture is given away. She broke down the different stages of grief. I would love to give that to you. However, you must go to foreclosure chroniclespodcastcom to sign up for these bonuses. You only can get this bonus if you sign up at foreclosurechroniclespodcastcom. Couture, thanks so much for being on the show. Thank you, amy.
